Superbowl Ads

Posted on by Mark Boszko
This post was published more than a few years ago (on 2007-02-04) and may contain inaccurate technical information, outmoded thoughts, or cringe takes. Proceed at your own risk.

I have a feeling the Superbowl commercials are going to be a good lot this year, and I'm really looking forward to the YouTube coverage.

In fact, we'll be blogging the Superbowl ads from 6pm on right here from Station in the metro! As if anyone cared.

My rundown below the break.

Ratings range from * to *****, being the best.
Lovely piece at the top featuring players' family members. As much as I really don't care about the game itself, they do a really good job making it come off as some sort of epic struggle. Kudos to the guys at NFL Films.

Break -3 (pre-game)

  • Ford, 3D truck teaser with a matrixy sound design, nice clean 3D, but generic **

  • Kay Jewelers, booooring. *

  • Citibank, guy mountain biking without a bike. Made me laugh, ***

  • Paramount, trailer for "Shooter", looks decent. **

  • Survivor Fiji Promo & The Amazing Race Promo, duh *

Now, the team intros. The Chicago Bears and the Balti--- uh... Indianapolis Colts. Really nice graphics package, but the audio is all over the place. All the tape playback is about 12dB below the live announcer, and We've had a few mic dropouts already.

Break -2

  • Ronald McDonald House Charities. Boring. *

  • Ford, another 3D truck teaser. engine parts this time, more interesting ***

  • "Ghost Rider" trailer, it looks kinda decent except I don't buy Nic Cage as a bad-ass motor dude. **

  • NFL Network promo, mildly amusing with a bajillion minor celeb cameos. **

  • CBS "Super Monday," meh. *

A moment of silence for tornado victims. Color guard. Billy Joel sings the anthem. The looks old. More than that, he sounds like the Anteres Auto-Tune is turned WAY up.

Break -1

  • "Norbitt" trailer, another Eddie-Murphy-in-various-fat-suits movie. Meh. *

  • Pizza Hut, cheesy bites, starring Jessica Simpson (I think). Enh. *

  • Blockbuster Total Access vs. Netflix, narrated by Alec Baldwin. *

  • Ford Edge, car driving across the ledges of buildings. **

Now, the coin toss. Dan Marino tosses the coin. Chicago elects to receive.

Break 0

  • Ford, 3D exploded view of the entire F-series Super Duty truck, impressive. ****

Now, the kickoff.

Break 1

  • Bud Light, *Rock* paper scissors. Ah yes, reinforcing the idea that beer drinkers everywhere are inconsiderate morons. Way to go. *

  • Doritos Spicy, car crash, pratfalls. Is this funny? I can't tell. *

  • Blockbuster, A rabbit and a guinea pig try to click and drag a real-life mouse to get online. ***

  • CBS News promo *

  • Prince is the haftime how artist??? (promo) This begs the question-- is he even relevant anymore? And if so, is his demographic really a bunch of drunken sods who came to see the modern equivalent of a gladiator fight?

Break 2

  • Sierra Mist Free, beard comb-over ***

  • Salesgenie.com, cheesy, cheesy, cheesy. *

  • Sierra Mist, karate **

One of thecamera guys obviously is trying to get an upskirt shot of the entore Colts cheerleading squad.
Break 3

  • Toyota trucks, 40-to-70 accelleration to get through closing heavy steel doors and then brakes to keep the truck from dropping off a cliff. Nice, and unexpected. ****

  • FedEx First Moon office, very amusing, poor guy gets kit by a metor at the end. ****

  • Bud Light, Auction Wedding, vaguely amusing **

No it's raining, and everyone is falling on top of each other. I notice the normal yellow 1st Down Line is a much more subdued blue. And now it's pouring.

Break 4

  • Snickers, accidental kiss, "quick, do something manly!" **

  • Shick Quattro, "Shave Lab", looks like it could've been better if it were longer ***

  • "Pride" trailer, a swimming team drama. *

  • Survivor Fiji promo *

Break 5

  • Chevy, people singing a bunch of songs that have "chevy" in they lyrics ***

  • Bud light, english class, teaching people how to order a beer in different parts of the country, but when asked for their Bud Light, they should answer "no speak-e english". *

  • Grammys promo *

  • Letterman promo, with some chick I don't know. **

Break 6

  • GoDaddy, marketing department

  • Coke, "The coke side of life", starts out looking like someone's playing GTA, but once the guy has a Coke, he starts helping out everyone instead of beating them up and stealing their cars. *****

  • CBS promo, "more people watch than any other network", ...so? *

Break 7

  • Budweiser, Dog in the City, a white dog gets splashed with mud so he looks like a Dalmation, and gets to ride the wagon pulled by the clydesdales, cute. ***

  • Garmin, Guyver-like Garmin-man fights the evil mapasurus. Awesome! *****

  • More CBS PSAs and promos

  • Grammys will have the reunited Police. Keen. ****

Break 8

  • Careerbuilder, office ambush, brilliant *****

  • Doritos, saucy checkout girl ***

  • Chevy HHR, naked carwash ***

Break 9

  • Bud Light, fist-bump is out, face slap is in. Can these get more stupid? Please. *

  • BeatYourRisk.com, street toughs marked with "High Cholesterol," etc. attack a guy dressed as a heart. Beautifully shot, very effective. ****

  • United way PSA

Bizarre replay screen inside a PSP-looking fame 3D traked onto live footage of the field.

Break 10

  • GM, a car-making robot dreams of ruin and suicide. Effective, yet creepy. ***

  • Coke bottles celebrate black history **

  • David Letterman vs. Dr. Phil grudge match promo.

Break 11

  • "Wild Hogs" trailer, 4 aging character actors share a road trip on motorcycles with bird poop and black jokes. Yay. *

  • Sprint mobile broadband, fixes "Connectile Dysfunction" **

  • More promos

  • Lays brands also celebrate black history, in a more subtle way. **

Break 12

  • Coke, old guy in a retirement home drinks a coke for the first time, then decides to go out and do everything else he never did. ****

Break 13

  • Promos for "Rules of Engagement," "CSI"

2 seconds left in the half, the Colts miss a field goal attempt.

Break 14

  • More CBS promos

  • "The Bubble Team" March madness promo

  • Local news promo, which seems meant to be impressive but falls flat

  • Foot Locker - basketball player signs the guy's new shoe, which upsets him *

  • Honda Accord, the car for very boring people. *

Halftime report.

Break 15

  • Mooooore CBS Promos and PSAs

It's time for the Pepsi Superbowl 21 Halftime Show. Prince, wearing a turquoise suit and a kerchief on his head like Alice in The Honeymooners, starts out with a cover of "We Will Rock You", Segueing into "Let's Go" as a giant "artist formerly known as Prince" symbol lights up around him. His saving grace is the giant ring of plasma screens ringing the stadium that display an iTunes-like visualizer as he plays. A large marching band with Tron-like fluorescent lines on their uniforms then join him for a medley of... I'm not sure. 2 dancers in flouncy little black dresses with 80s knee-high boots and big belts dance around the squiggly. Then comes a cover of "All Along the Watchtower," segueing into something about "the best of you." Someone has forgotten to put hoods on the cameras, because there's rain all over the lens. But, appropriately enough, Prince goes into "Purple Rain." We then cut to a shot of a big sheet being blown vertical by fans, so as to act as a screen onto project Prince's shadow. He implores the entire crowd to sing in an incredibly high falsetto, and they do. It sounds quite silly. Annnnnnd... FIN.

Break 16

  • Extended promo for Criminal Minds, after the game

  • CSI-Miami promo

  • Jericho promo

This superbowl features the teams in the closest physical proximity ever--- 188 miles. Who knew?

Break 17

  • CBS Evening News promo

  • CSI:NYC promo

  • Grammys promo

  • Survivor promo

  • Acura MDX - Car whips around mountain roads, and pneumatic pistons under the road extend to tilt the curves. In black and white, which makes me wonder if the effects looked crappy in color and they had to do a quick fix. **

  • Ford Fusion, Car & Driver test drive. *

  • PNC Bank, business banking ad. **

  • Toyota, trying to sound like an American company. *

2nd half starts. Nice promo, almost looks cut from 1st half material.
Break 18

  • Disnet, trailer for "Meet the Robinsons", a non-Pixar CG animated movie. **

  • E*Trade, being robbed by your bank, almost had me fooled into thinking it was a trailer for a few seconds. ****

  • Coke, "Happiness Factory", an amazing art piece of the imagined inside of a vending machine. *****

Break 19

  • Bud Light, stupid gorillas talk about stealing bud light. I guess they can get stupider. *

  • Revlon, Sheryl Crow, "Not Fade Away Tour" based on... hair color. *

Break 20

  • Careerbuilder.com, guys dressed in office equipment armor (I really like the guy covered in post-it notes) fight for the promotion. Very nice. ****

  • Taco Bell, 2 lions fight over Ricardo Montalban. Or Something. **

  • Van Heusen, reccess in revers, nicely done. ***

  • 2.5 Men promo

Break 21

  • Toyota Tundra, a truck pulls a 10,000 lb. load up a 30-degree slope, then, at reaching the pivot, the track swivels and the brakes are demonstrated, stopping the load. Very effective. ***

  • A handful of Emerald nuts a day keeps the Robert Goulet away. Brilliant. ****

  • T-Mobile Top 5 thing with some new football star, and some old football star. *

  • Grammys promo

Break 22

  • FedEx Ground, with Mr. Turkeyneck. Snazzy. ***

  • Nationwide, Maybe an annuity could've saved K-Fed. **

  • Bud Light. And an Axe. Bud Light finally gets out of the single-stars! **

  • CBS promo

Break 23

  • CBS promos

  • PNC Bank, 24 hours. *

  • Chevy generic car ad. *

  • Iraq Veterans opposed to the war escalation. ****

Break 24

  • Budweiser, crabhenge, cute. **

  • Prudential elucidates all the different things rocks can do. Enh. *

  • Honda CR-V, the car subtly twists its hips to Elvis' "Burnin' Love" **

Break 25

  • HP, the guy from Orange County Choppers takes a CG ride through the internet. Some nice graphics, but not very unique. **

  • Izod, WASPy buff people do various sports things to turn the Arctic into a resort area, that was only a dream inside a snowglobe. Huh? *

  • Budweiser Select, two sports luminaries (I assume) play a holographic tabletop football game. Neat-looking CG, reminds me of that "world domination" game Bond played in Never Say Never Again. **

Break 26

  • Flomax, which helps you not to pee so much. *

  • E*Trade, things you can do with one finger, very funny. ****

  • CBS promo for some crappy show with David Spade.

Break 27

  • Trailer for Hannibal. Haven't we spent enough time on this character? *

  • Careerbuilder.com, performance evaluations, nice. ***

  • CBS promo for Criminal Intent, starring Inego Montoya, you killed his father, prepare to die.

Break 28

  • Hondas weaving in and out between gas pumps in the desert. Cure. **

  • GoDaddy, exactly the same as the earlier commercial.

  • Snapple Green Tea, guy climbs the Great Wall. Killed by the whiny guy at the end. *

  • Promo for David Caruso shooting at girls in bikinis. Or perhaps just near them. It wasn't clear.

Game over! Who won? Uh... I'm not sure.