I’ve got it� It’s a time machine.

Yes, for our special Apple Hype Watch� segment, we have decoded Apple’s clues to bring you Monday’s mystery product a full two days early! A time machine is big, time is related to counting (no, not the awful puns in the Count of Monte Christo trailer), it’s beyond the rumor sites, it deals with “the future,” that would definitely be where PCs have never gone, and I would definitely lust after it. As an added bonus, Days 5 and 6 of Apple Hype Watch� obviously are making reference to Star Trek, and we all know that in space, you encounter a funky temporal anomaly nearly every week! �or maybe that’s just on Voyager.

You know, now that I brought up the Star Trek connection, I relaise it could also be a transporter. A transporter, or a Klingon Battle Cruiser. Yep, gotta be one of those three for sure. You heard it here first.

I’ve just been corrected: This is actually Day 6 of Apple Hype Watch�. Seems I missed one day of hype, and foolishly assumed that it all started on January 1st, even though I saw it with my own eyes on December 31st. Shame on me.

In any case, the real list is as follows:

Day 1: “This one is big. Even by our standards.”

Day 2: “Count the days. Count the minutes. Count on being blown away.”

Day 3: “Beyond the rumor sites. Way beyond.”

Day 4: “It’s like a backstage pass to the future.”

Day 5: “To go where no PC has gone before.”

Day 6: “Full speed ahead. Lust factor ten.”

And that’s day 6, Saturday the 5th of January. Only one more day of all-hype-and-no-substance until the keynote that will either blow us away, or turn me into a Linux user. Okay, well, maybe not, considering Final Cut Pro only runs on the Mac. Maybe it’s time to start training on Maya�

Day 4 of Apple Hype Watch: “To go where no PC has gone before.” Starting to look like either wearable or snortable will be right. Okay, or maybe just portable. Or maybe Apple has beat Microsoft to the punch at bringing out a notepad/clipboard style Mac with an LCD screen you write on� or something.

Actually, I’m leaning toward Crazy Apple Rumors’ prediction that it’s either a relaunch of the iPod, or “beyond Sexbots.”

So, I hear that good ol’ Steve Jobs is planning something ex-trey special for his Macworld Expo keynote speech on Monday. Lots o’ hype, and superlatives galore. The rumor sites have been scrambling over each other’s carcasses to be the first to be embarrased by their complete and utter wrong-ness. Apple’s own web site has been pumping up expectations with taglines like “Beyond the rumor sites. Way beyond.” and “This is big. Even for us.” How can you ignore such unabashed optimism and pride?

Will it be a new flat-panel iMac? An Apple handheld? A wearable Macintosh? A nasally snortable Macintosh that induces digital gaming hallucinations like in that PlayStation 9 commercial (which I would think would lead to LSD-like leaping-from-tall-buildings deaths)? Who can say??

Well, yes, Steve Jobs can say, on January 7th at 9 am, pacific time, but that was a rhetorical question, really.

Me, I’m waiting patiently and hoarding my cash so I can be one of the first to order whatever it is. Mmm� grape�